Back in LA

Sadly, I am back from LA. India was rough but the US is quite a contrast. After a 23 hour flight from India, care of the Volcano in Western Europe , I have arrived homeless and jobless (temporarily mind you). The first day back was a little rough as I had to replace the battery in my car for $750 (2x the GDP per capita in Uganda), then I sat in traffic for 2hrs going from Beverly Hills to Santa Monica because the lights were out on Wilshire Blvd all through Westwood.  I had a 50% impulse to go back to LAX and hop on the next flight to Thailand.

We may be the first world but nothing works on this particular day. I am clearly in culture shock, the next night at dinner I sat one table away from Robert Downey Jr, Gwyneth Paltrow and Reese Witherspoon. I still can’t get over the price of everything, it seems like we live in a totally different economy. Well, I am back and booked with meetings and lunches to get the job search going and reconnect with friends and my life. I will shoot for some adventures stateside before I head back abroad or start working.

Where’s the beef?

No beef in McD’s WTF?…

No visit to the world’s largest democracy is complete without a visit to McDonalds. I have visited one other on this trip in Morocco, where I witnessed the miracle that is the McShwarma. I was curious to see how McD’s is marketing itself over here. McMasala, Maybe McTikka???

First off it’s cheap, a full mean deal runs about 120 rupees. Just under $3. Cheaper than any other country I’ve seen (not cheap relative to Indian food and street food of course). No beef of course, at first I was perplexed that I couldn’t find a quarter pounder on the menu. Then it hit me that the honking I heard outside was because a cow was carousing through the 8 lane traffic circle outside, and alas it all made sense….India remember India.

So I sampled two sandwiches, the McAloo Tikka..which is basically a hamburger with a falafel patty as substitute..pretty good. Next I tried the Chicken Mac Maharaja, the chicken patty equivalent of the big Mac. Yuck!!!Chicken patties were very gross and possibly under cooked, I’ll find out later today I guess.

Fries were great, even while cooked in veggie oil, they tasted exactly the same as the US ones cooked in lard I’m sure. Coke…just fine, thankfully they don’t offer supersizes over here. It’s just a fat-assed American phenomenon.

When I tried to get extra ketchup for the fries it was like pulling teeth, these packages are as good as gold in India. Look at why.

I can’t imagine ever seeing this in the states….

McD’s was hopping at lunch, all young hip Indian’s embracing American mass marketing. The funny thing I’ve noticed is fast food places are the embodiment of cool in emerging economies while we rightfully ridicule them at home….go figure, I guess they will learn eventually.

Tout of the day

Outside it was back to the reality that is Delhi and I was besieged by beggars such as this cute little girl. The craziness of India, inside everyone is happily reviling in their embrace of an American/Western consumption based lifestyle  and outside you have throngs of little street kids begging. That is India in the cities.

Still scorching here…my fiasco with the volcano is a story for another post.

It’s not a motorcycle baby….it’s a chopper

No other way to see southern India than on a Hog. Scooters are for tourists. Only for about $7.50  a day…of course no official paperwork involved. I did a back alley deal with a couple Hindi speaking lads of questionable business ethics to rent a chopper for a week and to see Goa at high speed. Only over here can you get away with such shenanigans, I negotiated them down from $10 a day because the brakes were so bad and it’s muffler was shot.

Alas the open road, on the wrong side of course. Dodging cows goats, overloaded lorries and crazy drivers. I didn’t see any accidents amazingly. Despite my dubious track record with the Santa Monica Riding Club, I can proudly say I was not involved in any accidents either.  Which is surprising because it is pretty damn crazy here on the roads. On the way back from down south I drove through a Monsoon, very white knuckle event. I even got the shakedown from the cops (no intl license) and was able to bribe my way out for $5, we started negotiating at $25. God bless those corrupt Indian traffic cops. I really had to make a scene to get a receipt for said bribe so I would not get subsequently shaken down 5miles down the road which did happen.

On the way down to Palolem, I met the two bravest guys in India.

While I was pulled over buying some water and checking the map these two daredevils hit me up for a ride to football practice. So when in India….

50km with three on the chopper, with me driving on the wrong side of the road among the craziest third world drivers I’ve ever seen. Like I said the bravest two kids in India. You should have seen their faces when I hit them for 20 rupees for gas when they got off….just kidding fellas. Not used to sahib asking for gas money I guess.

So Palolem was the only beach I would really recommend in Goa. There are three main beaches here. Of everything I visited this one has the best vibe. The most young fit tops-optional European sunbathers and a pretty fun vibe at night. My entourage included a Punjabi bridal salon owner, three British grade school teachers, a few Swedes, a couple of Irish and assorted other mutts. The Punjabis apparently pride themselves on drinking ability among Westerners…this guy was pulling out all the stops to out do a pretty mellow crowd. Plus he got a new tattoo earlier in the day.  I called it quits at about 2am, and the crowd was up till 7am. This is standard.

More on Goa soon. Delhi not as bad the 2nd time around it is 44 C though.

 

India after week one

So I flew into Delhi from Kathmandu, I can safely say the Indians take security seriously; more so than any other country I’ve been to (exception Israel). Aside from the gauntlet that one must run to get a visa, we had multiple bag searches and metal detectors, then finally on the tarmac prior to boarding the flight Indian airlines did another full bag and body check. Needless to say I felt safe on the flight and was seated next to a wonderful couple from Bel Air in LA….small world?

So, I didn’t write a post after just getting to India because I wanted to give it time to “grow” on me and I didn’t want to rashly write about my first impressions. Unfortunately my first impression really has not changed, if I could describe in one word any of the places I’ve been to thus far it would be “Squalor”.

This says it all: the typical side of the road – I mean literally every 100m, donkey, two camels, two guys taking a leak. Feral dog rooting through the trash. Downtown in a city of 1.6M people. Jaipur.

Homeless and urban poor bathing on side of the road, again this is everywhere. These guys are every 100m.

I’ve been to Asia, I’ve been to Africa, I’ve been all over Central and South America and I can safely say I  have NEVER seen anything quite as squalorous (sp?) as urban India. This country has managed to successfully develop a nuclear weapons program, a pretty technical and capital intensive effort, however they have not managed to conquer basic sanitation in every urban area I have been to. It’s incomprehensible??? (Wikipedia in link above claims that 665m Indians still defecate in the open, this 2x the population of the US) This I guess is a statement more of national priorities or lack thereof as well as massive population of the indigent with little aid and supporting infrastructure. If I had a nickel for every person I have seen defecating or urinating in public in the past 7 days I would be listed in Forbes every year. On top of that, the functioning sewer system is in the middle of the street or above ground on the side of the streets.  My visits to century old Roman and Islamic historical sites have showcased better plumbing systems than the present day cities here.

Cows, camels, buffalo, stray dogs and peacocks are seemingly everywhere. One thing I can say is this is a paradise on earth for those of the bovine persuasion.  Not so much for canines.

Indian Water Buffalo, middle of the street

Camel, outside the Taj. He was alive when I left and dead when I drove by 1 hour later.

Cow, Agra

You know that movie “All Dogs Go to Heaven”, there should be another one called “All cows go to India instead of Heaven”. Being a cow here, is about as good a deal as being Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan in the US minus the paparazzi. As a cow here, you can go anywhere you want, eat anything, crap anywhere, head butt people, cause traffic accidents, raise a general ruckus etc..and you are still highly revered. Middle of the street at rush hour, a couple of cows just hanging out shooting the breeze. The Far Side author Gary Larson would get a lot of mileage out of a visit to Delhi.

So hopefully that did not come across as a rant, it was just a frank assessment of a week here compared to everywhere else on this trip and not meant to be negative. When I say India is unlike anywhere else I have ever been, I really mean it. You are literally walking around in a sewer 24/7 in most urban areas, so plan accordingly and bring lots of hand sanitizer if you think it will help. I gave up paranoid sanitation discipline after I saw how hopeless it would be in 5min and have been going with the flow without incident thus far.

I have not touched on the touts, beggars, street urchins, and the urban poor but it is worse than anything I have EVER seen. Any westerner leaving most train stations with a bag is literally besieged by rickshaw touts. If I could imagine a post-apocalyptic United States, it might represent some parts of Delhi. That being said the trip has been pretty good so far and if one is able to get over the shock of above mentioned “eccentricities” of India has a  some really cool aspects and a great deal to offer. I may have to do a piece on Hippies of India as well, that is a whole other subculture here.

Taj

Forts: I was an self proclaimed expert on forts (home made and other) from about age 7-10, had my parents brought me here during those formative years, my life may run have a different course. Some of the Mughal forts I’ve seen so far trump many of the castles and historic ruins of Western Europe and the Middle East. I did the Amber fort today in Jaipur, the thing was massive, ornate, mazelike and seemingly impregnable. Plus it was just one of the surrounding three other hilltop castles with their own version of the great wall of China included.

Amber

Johdpur Fort

Amber was in good condition and was very well preserved and you could basically wander everywhere. Everything is circa 1600AD. So understandably in better condition than Roman or Greek accomplishments, 1500-2000 years prior.  Taj was amazing…..and crowded and hot. I toured it with some Americans  from Michigan/Luxembourg. Despite the heat they pressed on after the third fort/ruins when I called it quits and headed for the pool. The detail of the stone work in the Taj is unbelievable. Marble and granite piece work details the exterior and interior, no wonder it took 25 years to build.

These guys were more interested in someone’s Ipod, than a Cobra. Amber.

This was in front of “the water fort” in Jaipur.

  Touts of the day: this little guy above was doing  a “Magic Show” aka the shell game not besides, but in the highway.

Food: If you like curry this is the place to come. I have been on an all Indian diet thus far with minor intestinal hiccups (knock on wood). Food is great, though I don’t often know what I am actually being served, I have yet to be disappointed with anything ,even the street food. I was not overly impressed by beer anywhere else on the trip, but here I am very content with Kingfisher when I can get my hands on one. It’s almost always around 40 deg C, so that may explain the attraction, plus they always serve it very cold.

Transportation:  Transport infrastructure is great and easy to get around, trains are not sanitary by any western sense but efficient and seem to run on time. Ticketing is very simple and straightforward online and you can even use e-tickets. Buses seem to be as reliable and consistent. Unlike Africa, where movement was exceedingly difficult and painful it’s pretty easy here. 

I have done, Delhi, Agra, Jaipur, Johdpur, Pushkar, and back to Jaipur in about 9 days. I am heading down to Goa to hit the beach and get a taste of the south before back to Delhi. I have heard mixed reviews on Varanasi, so that may still make the schedule. Big country and lots to see. Religion permeates everything in India and I am learning more about Hinduism as I go along, very interesting thus far. Will write from Goa.