Road to Uganda

So, we finally got out of Arusha on the worst bus ever. I’m sure after a few more bad bus rides, I will have to revise that. We got two seats on the “Air Jordan” express, if Michael only knew. 13 1/2 hours from Arusha to Mwanza. The bus was old and crappy, there was NO suspension in the rear end and we were seated over the rear wheels, so the force of every bump was transmitted directly up into my lower back and spine. When I think of this bus I immediately get a headache. Justin nicknamed the bus driver “Anton the bone crusher” for good reason.  My favorite character on the trip was the driver’s assistant who was wearing a T-shirt that said “Ruth’s Bat Mitzvah, March 12, 2003” and had the NYC skyline across his back. He was continually running around yelling at people and handling the loading unloading of luggage.

So the first 6 hours were on unpaved roads. Africa needs the three P’s, Pavement, Plumbing and Power. This guy was driving like a maniac the entire time, by this I mean he did not slow down for any bumps or road disturbances. The buses are only allowed to run during daylight hours in TZ because the drivers are so bad it would be deadly at night. Given this, Anton, was hell bent on getting us to our destination by sundown. After an hour I admitted that the ride was way worse that anything I could have imagined. I literally thought the rear axel was going to come off, I don’t know how those buses have any longevity.

After noon things got a little better because we got on paved roads. TZ does not have a fully paved route between it’s second and third largest city (Arusha and Mwanza) crazy right? Well since there is no functioning constabulary in each town there are only speed bumps. Anton would take these at 40-50mph. I mean the entire rear half of the bus was routinely airborne including all the passengers, I saw little kids go flying into the air about every 15min. I have never seen anything like this…His favorite trick was to pass another vehicle who had slowed down for the speed bump at the speed bump. He also had some other good tricks, passing fuel trucks on bridges, blind passing, all good stuff.

Unbelievably we survived and arrived in Mwanza. Mwanza (The city of rocks) was actually very cool because for the first time yet in Africa we were not continually heckled by street touts. It is a nice little town on Lake Victoria, with these huge granite outcroppings that form the surrounding hills around it. Can’t swim in lake because of crocs and parasites though.

After two days in Mwanza, we set sail for Bukoba on the MV Victoria. This was an experience, this is the rust bucket ferry that runs from Mwanza farther up the coast where you then have to take another Bus ride up into Uganda. Imagine Bogart on the African Queen, that was us in our little sleeper on the MV Victoria.

We originally tried to book passage to Kampala on a couple of cargo ships down at the port. That was quite a way to spend an afternoon, two Muzungo’s totally out of place down at the shipyards cruising around and trying to find the captain of these little ships and then passably communicating our intentions. It would have been quite the story if we pulled it off. Anyways we finally booked an overnight cabin on the MV Victoria and got into Bukoba at 6am.

Can you see the bugs around this light, unbelievable…

J in our cabin

We were on the bus at 7am and arrived in Kampala by 2. By 7pm Justin had had our first attempted pickpocket experience of  the trip, setting a good tone for the afternoon in Kampala. So all in all quite a day. We are off to go whitewater rafting on the Nile in the next couple days and then off to see the gorillas.

Kampala is crowded, crazy and smoggy and has terrible traffic. Thus far Uganda seems to have a great deal more infrastructure than TZ. We will see as the trip progresses. There is definitely more economic prosperity here than in western TZ.

Recommendations -

Hotel Tilapia in Mwanza http://www.hoteltilapia.com/

Hotel NewPark in Mwanza

MV Victoria

Avoid -

Air Jordan bus lines in Tanzania

Current Itinerary

A couple people have asked so here is the itinerary for the next 6 weeks. Justin flies out of Cape town, SA on March 4th, so I am shooting to be in SA in the next 6 weeks.

1-30 to 2-7 Uganda, Gorillas, whitewater rafting

2-8 to 2-15 Rwanda, chimps

2-16 to 2-20 Back to Tanzania, south on Lake Tanganyika to Zambia.

2-21 to 3/5 – Zambia via Botswana to SA, or Via Mozambique.

3-5 a couple weeks in S.Africa

Mid to late March – Depart for India

Kilimanjaro and the Soup Nazi’s

So when after doing a couple of weeks on Zanzibar hitting the safari circuit, I figured I would round out the trip with a climb to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro. Ideally in hindsight this was not the best way to do things, a couple of weeks in Zanzibar did not bode well as training to scale the worlds largest freestanding mountain, and fourth highest peak. So anyways it had been on my mind to do this while over here, but I didn’t really take it seriously until late in the trip. During our time in Tanzania, I kept on running into people who did not strike me as mountaineers or at the pinnacle of their athletic prowess who had said they did it and had no problems. So given this observation, I figured I could hack it. There are a variety of routes for ascent in varying degree’s of difficulty. You can do camping or in huts, and a variety of choices for duration to acclimatize. I took the easiest, or so it was claimed. Mandara in 6 days. Justin has had a bout of a chest cold, so he didn’t think this would do well in high altitude and cold temps so he set off for Leshoto in search of a walking safari. We agreed to meet a week later at a hotel in Arusha.

Having just returned today, I will try to recreate the experience as I can best remember.

Pre-day

With the name of a reputable tour operator in hand and after a brief and un-reassuring telephone call to their offices in Moshi where they have encouraged me to wire $975 to them sight unseen, I head to Moshi to investigate.  After a 2 hour bus trip in the most crowded Mini-bus in Africa and after fending off several touts at the bus station I make it to their offices with only one tout in tow. Said tour operator is not there, I go next door to have lunch. I am taking Diamox now, one day before ascent, curious side affect is that your fingers tingle and sense of taste for carbonated drinks is totally off. I am sure there is something the wrong with the Coke I have at lunch, I send it back to the confusion of the waitress, blissfully unaware of Diamox side effect.

Tour operator shows up, my suspicions are put to rest, they are legit. We do some planning, take a trip to the bank, go over gear, and he drops me at the hotel for the eve.

Day 1-

8am, tour van shows and up picks me up  promptly. I am introduced to several local guys in the van and some tourists on a day hike.  They live in SF, we talk California politics on the ride to the base of the mountain. Get to mountain, I am formally introduced to Ezekiel my guide, James the cook and Anton (who were in the van), the waiter/porter. Apparently for 1 person to go up the mountain, the required entourage is a crew of 5. 1 guide, 1 cook, 3 porters. Ezekiel is a nice, outgoing local guy about my height with a much leaner build. He has been guiding for 6 years, and was a porter for 4. They average about 2 trips a month, so quick math he has been up Kili about 250 times, every route.  His first question to me is where are you from? California,Los Angeles, he thinks for a moment and they says “do you know Tupac?” I start laughing and respond we were not friends, but I know who he is. He seems satisfied. I then name off some other notable west coast rappers, and a look of surprise comes over his face.  This Muzungo knows his hip-hop artists, he is quickly impressed.

Ezekiel

James the cook, is making me have stereotypes about Tanzanian cooks. He is constantly smiling, but very shy, eager to impress and you can read his emotions like a book.  Anton is stoic. If I was a porter, I would probably be stoic too.

So while Ezekiel takes care of the paperwork, James and I set off. I am wearing a daypack with about 20lbs of stuff in it. He has a full pack probably about 50lbs+ and both hands are full carrying bags, under extreme protest I take one of the bags off his hands and we head up the hill. The first leg on Mandara is a 1000m climb from the park entrance at 1700m to Mandara huts at 2700m in about 7.5km. Since I have been repeatedly told this is the easiest “tourist route” I have set my mind to setting some speed records to compensate. I will not have anyone disparaging my choice of ascent, good times up will make bolster my case. Base camp to Mandara huts - 2:15, James and I are poring down in sweat. I’m sure the cook will be pissing in my soup tonight for making him work so hard on the way up.

I get my own hut until two American college juniors from Texas move in. The quarters are spartan, but perfect for the occasion. Dinner is served after sundown and Ezekiel and I eat in the communal hut and he gives me the lowdown on the route and we make small talk. The soup is delicious (piss and all), so much so that I eat most of the soup and little of the dinner. This sets the stage for my next five days of battles over my dietary intake with Ezekiel. He is committed to getting his client to the top. I am committed to not being stuffed to the gills at every meal. The die has been cast.

After dinner I read and play cards (spades) with the Texans.

Day 2

I am roused by Anton at about 6am, he brings a bowl of hot water so I can take a combat shower.

Sunrise at Mandara

Breakfast is at 6:30 I have toast and coffee and sample the porridge and eat a bite of the eggs and accompanying hot dog. My lack of “show of force” toward breakfast has aroused suspicion with Ezekiel and James. Repeated inquiries are made throughout breakfast and after concerning my satisfaction with said meal. The response that “it was great, but I’m a coffee and toast kind of guy” does not seem to cut it. My performance will be closely watched at the next meal. I have made it known that I did like the soup, they are eager to please.

We start out on the next move up the mountain, Mandara to Horombo huts at 3700m. 1000m again over just over 9km. You go through 5 climactic zones up to Kili, I can’t remember all the names but this transit takes up from the rainforest to the high alpine desert. Scenery is unbelievable.

once you break out of the dense forest just over 10,000ft the vegetation is transformed into small conifers and shrubs and you get amazing vistas of the Peak and surrounding scenery and landscape to the south.

We continue the march upward, the path is wide and well taken care of. I quickly fall into pace behind some porters with lighter loads. The have a good cadence, about 20min before the halfway point James comes blasting past me enroute to somewhere in a hurry. We get to the lunch break spot and while all the other groups are getting a box lunches, these guys roll out a tablecloth and James brings me a bowl of hot soup followed by lunch. Let me repeat this, everyone else is eating cold chicken and hard rolls and James sprinted past me to set up a fire and cook soup and serve me a hot lunch. If looks could kill, I am long gone. I am getting envious looks from the other hikers, who in turn look at their guides, and their guides look at their cooks with the “why didn’t you guys bring out hot soup?” it’s going to be a rough night in the guides tent tonight.

Ezekiel stands back and smiles in quiet satisfaction, he has one-upped the rest of the guide/cook teams and thrown a strong counterpunch to my lackluster performance at breakfast.  I had made a big deal about the fact that I liked soup, I guess I’m getting it at every meal. I am hungry so this is not a problem, I eat the soup and the rest of the lunch to their satisfaction. We pack up and go. Arrive at Horombo huts at midday.

Horombo is a very similar setup to Mandara, however the landscape is a bit more barren. Mostly volcanic rock littered with vegetation. We are roughly at 12,000ft. Not nosebleed high, I think it is the same if not close to many peaks in Colorado. It is definitely much cooler, with the sea level temp at 80deg F and a 4deg lapse rate per 1000ft, we should be at about 30F. With the sun out it is warmer, but once the sun is down I am thankful that I have packed my North Face down parka all the way to Tanzania. Since the actual hiking took about 3hrs, there is lots of dead time at Horombo. We will be here for two days to acclimatize. I spend my time fending off requests to eat more from the staff and socializing with the various other groups. I met two Irish girls from Cork at the base of Kili, they walked up to me and asked if my name was Trevor. Apparently Justin had been drinking with them the night before and given them a message(we changed our the location of our hotel rendezvous on the 22nd) to give an American named Trevor. We have become fast friends and they are slowly getting the hang of spades when we find a fourth. Otherwise it is lots of Gin Rummy.

Sunset at Horombo

I am bunking with two Japanese guys, who have halfway convinced me to try for the summit in 5 days. They have this handy gadget, that you put on one of your fingers and it reads your the % of O2 in your blood relative to sea level. At 12k, I have 92% and a resting pulse of 73bpm. They have been training for this climb, one in Kashmir and one in a low pressure tent in Tokyo and they are scoring 86%. They claim my numbers are good, I am thinking about going to Kibo a day early. I consult Ezekiel. He says we can do it if I want, but I paid for 6 days and there are no refunds if I get sick. I stick with the safe bet and stay at Horombo an extra night.

Day 3

Boredom has set in, I am being continually pushed to eat more and more. This is the opposite of the Biggest Loser, the Tanzanians equate strength with food, the more I eat the stronger I should be…..interesting. We have an acclimatization hike today to take us up to 4200m. It’s about 2+30 up and back, I get a great view of Kibo and the road to Kibo and final accent. Back to camp, they have thrown me a curveball. No soup for lunch, I have been denied. Ezekiel has this clever look in his eye as I am served fried chicken and fries. He claims man cannot live on soup alone.

The Japanese guys are gone and a Norwegian couple in their fifties move in, they are on the way back from the summit. He made it, she didn’t. They look like they are near exhaustion. They just grumble in Norwegian and crawl into their sleeping bags fully clothed in snow pants and jackets. My first taste of summit day. Later that night the Irish girls and I play cards with a Canadian guy who starts priming us with tales of his climb to the summit. Everyone is getting a little anxious, if you are aggravated by altitude it will show at Kibo.

Day 4

The Shitshow begins. This whole route is focused around staging the accent out of Kibo Hut after two days of acclimatization at Horombo. Once at Kibo, you eat something, sleep till midnight then the guides wake you up at midnight for the 1400m ascent to crater rim and then summit, it should take about 6 hours to get to the top. You are supposed to get there at sunrise, come back down then leave Kibo back to Horombo. Here is the short math in under 30 hrs, you do about 30km of transit and 2200m of climb then descent with much less sleep. That is an order of magnitude more than these happy little 3hr day hikes we have been doing. So here is how it went for me.

I lay my plan out to Ezekiel, we are doing a lightning strike up to Kibo, no extravagant meals, I will try to sleep as much as possible (I want to maximize acclimatization and rest) then he wakes me up late and we try and avoid the rush and we hit the summit hard and fast. Aside from the food part, where we have to do some horse-trading he is largely in agreement. I have not had any altitude issues so far and I’ve been moving fast so it seems feasible.

We leave at about 8am from Horombo to Kibo, it is the long road to nowhere. I am in shorts and a sweater, the incline is relatively flat so we make really good time. The transit is surreal we are now in the arctic climactic zone, all volcanic rock very little vegetation. The trail is something out of lord of the rings, if there was an evil castle and a dragon at the end of this road I would believe it.

We make it to Kibo, mid-day. 15000 feet and I feel good. The place is a hub of activity, bedraggled climbers from the night before are coming down and new groups are coming up. It is cold and there are some crazy outfits by the porters and tourists alike.

Very cold and inhospitable environment, the actual Hut is a stone building with about 4 bunk rooms with 10 to 16 bunks, where everyone sacks out for about 12 hrs depending when you arrive. I indulge Ezekiel in some soup and crawl into bed and put in my earplugs and facemask.

Kibo is the high altitude version of Big brother or Real World, I’m in a bunkroom with the Irish Girls a Japanese couple, a surly group of Hungarians. Everyone is anxious and somewhat tired from the hike up plus altitude effects start to hit some people. Nausea and Diarrhea at 15000 feet, some people are up here on their honeymoons…great idea, talk about romance. Needless to say there is a little drama in the bunkroom, added to this is the fact that the friggin Tanzanians intentionally overbook Kibo so there was like 60 porters for 18 beds(see photo above of guy on a rock, that is a porter). Thankfully, since we got up early all my guys secured beds. I could write a whole other story on the life of a guide and or porter, needless to say it is hard work in a very tough environment for little compensation. So I wake up once for something to eat at 5pm, Ezekiel demands it, then try to go back to sleep. I have dreams of Hungarians and Irish people cursing and clattering about.

Day 5-

1am, Anton comes in and shakes me awake. Everyone is gone, bunkhouse is empty except for me. I get up dress up in my warmest stuff and slam down some tea. Ezekiel comes in we go over gear, guess who doesn’t have a headlamp? Surprise, Surprise. Well he does but won’t use it, so after bickering about this and why my bulb is dim and if we should change the batteries we finally hit the trail at 1:45am.

I will call the next few hours my time on the “trail of human misery”. There is about 1/6th of a moon out and the sky is unbelievable, I see long shooting star trails every time I look up. It is very dark, my mission is just to follow Ezekiel. I really can’t see much of a trail, he knows the way. As I look up the mountain I see a zigzag of headlamps up the hillside, seemingly hundreds of them. Kind of like Christmas carolers exept way shittier, no one is singing. Lots of cursing in English and German. The side of Kili is between a 30 and 40 degree slope of scree  that we plod up on these very light trails. It is steep and hard to get traction and you really feel the altitude and cold. Going straight up is too hard so you have to traverse and even the traverse is very challenging. I’m glad we did it at night, if I looked up the slope in the daytime I would have said screw it after about 5min. After an hour we have caught the tail end of the midnight departures. So we begin passing these cold miserable groups of people, some are vomiting, some are clearly ill, some called it quits and are on their way down assisted by a guide. So we continue up, passing these groups that are going amazingly slow. Most of these people look like crap, I am so glad I am not sick. Just short of breath. Trail of human misery indeed. As much as we try to be patient I am soaked in sweat and don’t want to get cold so we have to keep moving, my bottom layer is merino wool, which does not whisk away moisture like polypro but at least keeps me somewhat warm while wet. We make it to the crater rim, Gillman’s point in three hours. Ezekiel is hopping around and high fiving a bunch of the guides, a bunch of them are incredulous at the time. I am panting for air, I take some slugs from my water bottle. It is full of ice. Ezekiel gives me a biscuit for strength. Show me some hot soup and I’ll be impressed, I wish he was packing some Red Bull. Then he tells me we have to hurry to get to the summit. What? I thought we were there? No it’s another hour on the other side of the rim…. Some expletives were voiced between my shallow panting. By the way when they talk about someone being sick and exhibiting “shallow panting”, like when the vet says is Bowser panting? Is it shallow? I now know what that is…me at 19,000 ft.

So we trudge off, still making a good pace. The trip to the summit is around the rim, on slick snow that should you slip you would enjoy a quick slide to your death 500m down into the crater. No ropes, no harnesses, just a bunch of spry young Tanzanians leading unwitting tourists to the summit over treacherous rocks and ice. We come up on the Irish girls about 1000m before the summit, they are happy to see me but cold and panting as well. “Go Ireland”. I can see Orange on the horizon and am scampering up the hill to get there before sunrise. 10 min later we are at the summit. Nice, I think we are like the 2nd or 3rd group there. Ezekiel hustles me up to get a photo before it gets crowded. Camera barely works. I am way to tired to get into photos, I told him earlier that I would take a summit shot with no shirt on, that idea is definitely out at this point…it is freeeeeezzzzziiinnnggg. 5:45am. 4 hours after we left we are at the summit. I am cold but smiling. There are some Australians drinking some peach schnapps, I wish I thought of that.

Just like the plan, we take the photos and head back down. Irish girls arrive as we leave, they are the embodiment of joy, their faces are beaming. We see the sun coming up on the way back down. Spectacular and well earned.

I am practically running on the way down, we are passing tons of people going the opposite direction. It seemed like a couple of hundred, they are all coming from a couple of routes, Mandara and Machame. It’s like Wall-Mart on the day after Thanksgiving, crowded and getting desperate.  I can’t believe some of these old timers are even up here, I see a couple with O2 WTF? People going up look pained, people going down look relieved. We get to Gillmans Point and I look down and am incredulous that we came up, let alone have to go down. I give Ezekiel a questioning look…more biscuits and this time a box of mango juice. This guy’s answer to everything is food.

That is the view down, really doesn’t do it justice.

So we head down, slipping and sliding and running down a 30 deg slope in scree. It’s now about 7am and we are passing pained looking climbers with their guides in tow anywhere from almost at the rim to halfway up. I can’t believe it 7hrs along and they are still halfway there, that is going to be a long day. I hear one guide say “you are almost there just a little farther”, Ezekiel looks at me and winks, he says that's an old “guide trick” you lie.

We trundle into camp at 8 am, just over 6hrs round trip with the dawdling at the summit and at Gillmans Point. We are the first back, James comes out and starts jumping around and screeching in Swahili. He figured we didn’t make it because we are back so early. I head into the bunkroom strip off my wet stuff and crawl in my bag. I lie there basking in an endorphin rush. True to form, the boys deliver soup, James walks in like a proud father with a new baby brandishing a bowl of broth. Aside from the endorphins I feel like crap, I can’t even look at food. I’m certainly now sick of soup, I search for a place to pour it so I won’t hurt his feelings.

Irish girls show up 45min later, they are as wiped as me and agree that the way down was almost worse than the way up. 2 hrs rest…10am I am up, suit up in shorts, pack my stuff and head out to meet Ezekiel. We hit the road for Horombo and arrive just after noon it is an extra three hours of downhill hiking that I really didn’t need. My knees are shot and I now understand the exhaustion of the Norwegians. Ten hours after we started, I have done just under 20km and climbed 1200m at high alt and descended 2200m. All this after my “training” in Zanzibar is take its toll. I feel about the same level of exhaustion as after a marathon, just not quite the same level of soreness.

The next 18hrs are just more rest and commiseration with my fellow climbers. I have banned soup from the diet and have no appetite, for the first time I am exhibiting signs of altitude sickness.  No more anxiety, just get me off this mountain.

After a night in Horombo, we pose for a group shot. The only guys smiling are myself and Ezekiel, I think we are the only ones who had any fun. James is normally all smiles, this time you just get surprise. Left to right Amir, Anton, Me, Ezekiel and James. Team Kili 2010. We lost one porter Jacob(the mystery porter) at Kibo, he was a rookie. First trip up the mountain and he got sick and was sent down on day 5 that is probably why Amir and Anton are not smiling.

I highly recommend Ezekiel…these guys did an outstanding job. His contact info is below, mention me when you book a trip:

Ezekiel Kombe, Tel: +255 655998855, kombekili2009@gmail.com

Day 6

From Horombo, we woke up ate and packed up and left at 8am. 16km and 4+30 later we arrive at the the base camp. If my knees were shot at the end of day 5, they are definitely shot now.  Low altitude is very welcome, I have lots of energy from the O2 and am happy to have the heat. We head back to the tour offices and settle up, pay tips, say goodbyes and I pack my stuff and hop on another crowded bus back to Arusha. Not bad for six days in Tanzania.

Thoughts overall…

Kili is definitely challenging but is not the hardest thing I have ever done despite some of the literary embellishment above. Its about the same exertion as a marathon on summit day. If you get altitude sickness it is probably a whole other story. It is definitely dangerous and the level of consumer protection is what you would expect in a third world country – None. So be careful, no matter what your age or health they will take you up for the $$$ despite whether you can make it or not. Hypothermia, breaks or sprains and high alt illness are real threats on the summit portion. Ezekiel confirmed all this, plus the fact that there are about 10 deaths a year and countless evacuations. On our descent a guy fell down, hit his head and had to be evacuated out by helo, he was lucky he could walk down from the summit, if not it may have been another story. Cost per person is about $1000, expect to pay 20+% in tips.  All is variable depending on route. Mandara is supposedly the easiest, however I later learned that it’s summit ascent is much harder than Machame, which allegedly front loads the difficulty in the beginning of the trip. I distinctly got the impression that this climb is being mass marketed to everyone and their brother, because there were many people on it who had never been near a mountain and just signed up for the climb/safari package on the two week African vacation. The week before I went up, Jessica Beal climbed…bummer I was a week late.

Finally, despite some claims by my family members, there are no lions around the base of the mountain, at least in Tanzania. I can’t speak for the the Kenyan side.

Back posts

I’ve got windows Live writer up and running so I can insert photos as well as blog offline. Very key in Africa. Some backdated posts have been put up. Flickr photo's are updated, check them out...

Safari - 5 days into the heart of darkness with the Keystone cops

re-edited plus photos

So after much research we have booked a 5 day 4 night safari. This is after being stalked and heckled by safari teams throughout greater Arusha area for the past 3 days. Justin has a friend in Alaska who highly recommended this guy Nixon, Nixon owns a safari company and he gave us a deal. He was not the cheapest but was recommended and we got a good vibe from him. So at 8am our driver and cook arrive to pick us up and start on the adventure. Our driver Eddie, is a tall skinny, fast talking Masai guy who wears glasses and has a very theatrical way of speaking to us, I'm not sure if its normal or just for showmanship. He constantly laughs nervously and says yes to your questions before you have completed the full question. Our cook, Benson is shy, not Masai, gracious to a fault, full of smiles and has limited English. He also answers yes to any and all questions. "What are we having for dinner?" Yes...get the picture. The vibe is good these seem like good guys and everyone has warned us the safari is all about the guide. Eddie states, “when you are happy, I am happy.”

Best buddies

So we have booked a budget camping safari. There are several ways you can go on safaris from $100pp/per day to $2000pp/per day. The later is fly into the park on a private charter and stay at a $1300 per night exclusive resort with a vista over the game and be driven around by a "great white hunter" in a land cruiser. All safari's surround the central concept that to see the game you need to be prepared to ride around in a land cruiser for several hours a day over very shitty road conditions. The food and accommodations are better with some than with others, but at the end of the day everyone is chasing the same game in the same parks unless you are at a private reserve.

So we set out with our driver and cook for Lake Manyara, there were several provisioning stops and by midday we had arrived at our designated camping spot. This was basically a KOA campground outside Lake Manyara Park, we dropped off Benson and headed for the reserve. We did an afternoon tour with Eddie. Very cool park where you transit heavy jungle to spit out on a flat plain bordering the northern end of Lake Manyara, the western edge of the park is the rift valley escarpment. A 600m cliff that runs north south and serves as an amazing backdrop. We saw Baboons en mass, Giraffe, Wildebeest, Warthog, Cape buffalo, Impalas and assorted antelope variants. Plus the hippo pond was a nice end to the day, 40 hippos frolicking in a pond that you can walk up to. No cats, no Rhino's.

So the amazing thing about these parks is you just cannot imagine the density of the game in an enclosed area. There is nothing like it anywhere in the world. In Yellowstone, you might see a couple of bears, some elk and deer, maybe a moose or two. Here, everything I mentioned above is in the hundreds if not thousands. They take little notice of everyone driving around in cars and it's basically like you just landed on some other planet, or traveled in time back 1000's of years to the world in it's pre-human state.

So day one safari is complete, we are satisfied and head back to the camp. It is basically in a village on the border of the park enclosed with security. I was worried about security and the idea that predators would be walking around us, not a factor here. There is a pool, I jump in after walking across the street to get a very short haircut. This is not roughing it. By budget camping, I mean when we show up our tent is set up, sleeping bags placed and we have a dinner table set up and Benson is serving up a three course dinner. He is an excellent cook. Standard dinner starts with a soup, main course, salad and desert. We stocked up on S African wine prior to the trip. Boys, this is living!!! Benson serves as cook and waiter, Eddie as the "guide" joins us at dinner and we recap the day and discuss plans for tomorrow. We get to know Eddie a little, I find out one of his favorite American actors is Chuck Norris (we chuckle), and his favorite movie's are Delta Force I and II. I am not entirely familiar with either film (they both star Chuck Norris), surprisingly Eddie is not familiar with "Walker,Texas Ranger" a long running Chuck Norris series. Though not intimately familiar with Walker, I know it involves Chuck wearing a cowboy hat acting as, you guessed it, a Texas Ranger doing some karate moves to a loosely organized plot. Eddie is excited about the prospect of a new Chuck Norris production and we spend the rest of the evening fielding his technical questions about Delta Force II. By questions, I mean how planes, helicopters, missiles work. Eddie lacks some basic knowledge of physics, so we go over, lift, drag, gravity etc. Unfortunately I think most of these guys have about a 4^th grade education, but all speak several languages. I am starting to understand how someone could have a weird impression of America and Americans if their only source of cultural context is Delta Force II. In the back of my mind I think Eddie is a character, and who cares if he doesn't get physics, he wears a Masai Shuka (checkered blanket) around with authority so he must be good in the bush. Plus he's been guiding for 6 years.

Day 2

Up early, hot coffee, toast, eggs, and crepes. I'm really beginning to like Benson. We pile in the Land cruiser to head to the Serengeti. This is a long ass drive. We need to go through NgoroNgoro, go around the crater and then across this huge plain. Anytime you go through the parks, you need to pay the fees at the front gate. This is Africa so this is a very time consuming and bureaucratic system. The fee's are high they comprise about 1/3 of our total safari cost or about $50-80 per person per day. Of course there are fears of corruption so you must pay with Visa or Mastercard. So after this headache we start through NgoroNgoro and Eddie gives a somewhat contrived and pre-planned speech about the crater that begins with “Welcome Friends”. We then start a 6 hour off-road trek through NgorogNgoro and the Masai tribal areas and then on to the eastern plains where we get to see the annual Wildebeest migration. NgoroNgoro is breathtaking and the Masai tribal areas are amazing, these guys are walking around herding cattle with no shoes and a couple of blankets and a walking staff in Lion country.

As for the Wildebeest migration I cannot do justice in words to this experience. For 90km we drove through 1.5M migrating wildebeests, 500,000 zebra, and 400,000 antelope.  You are on this endless lush green plain, with no trees, just grass from horizon to horizon and for 2 hours as far as the eye could see in either direction we drove through wildebeests and zebra and antelope. We stopped along the way to help someone change a tire as the animals watched, but basically is was nonstop beasts in every direction for two hours. Finally we arrived at entrance gate to the Serengeti. Eddie turns to us and in his best efforts at showmanship announces, "Now the real safari begins!!" I am psyched. I really want to see the cats, I've been cooped up in this frigging land cruiser for the better part of 6 hrs for the past two days on unpaved roads, my kidneys have long since turned into jelly.

We pull off the road, take some photo's of the Serengeti park entrance, just as an off-road truck pulls up that has come straight out of the bush. The guys in the truck are ecstatic and are jabbering in Swahili. Eddie translates, that they have been stuck in the mud for the past 7 days, I look out on the horizon from where they came and see 6 other land cruisers stuck. Whew, glad I'm not them.

I am not sure but I actually think Justin and I high-fived as we turned off the road and popped the top up on the land cruiser. Well we get about 5km into the "safari" and come across another land rover full of Canadian tourists up to it's rear axel in mud. After helping fix a tire on the way here, it is only natural that we lend a hand. Justin and I share a cautious glance, I believe one of us said, Eddie better be careful that ground looks pretty soft. I am no expert on these matters but have dug a fair number of cars out of snow, mud and sand. That being said, Eddie did not distinguish his driving prowess on day two of safari. I think one of us shouted “don't go back any further” about the time he got our rear axel stuck in mud. So now we have two land rovers, stuck up to their asses in mud, 5km off the main road surrounded by the wildebeest migration. As soon as he spun the tires a couple times just to be sure, Eddie took off for the main road on foot. So we began the process of digging out the cars. Benson and the other driver were applying the principle of work hard, not smart. By this they were working with no care for the concepts of friction, traction, or mechanical advantage so there was some directive intervention taken by us and the Canadians. We succeeded in getting the other land cruiser almost out of the mud by jacking up the rear end and placing a spare tire under one of the rear wheels when Eddie showed up with help. Elapsed time 1 hour.

Justin and I had been shoveling and with the rest of the guys but took this as an opportunity to try out a bottle of South African wine, since help had arrived we figured we were out of trouble. No so fast....I don’t know how, but Tanzania's biggest Chuck Norris fan managed to bugger up the starter, drain the battery and strip the timing belt in the following 15 minutes. It is possible that there was some mechanical failure; however I maintain that Eddie's cumulative starting attempts and subsequent 15 attempts at compression starts with the car stuck in 4w gear while refusing to listen to possible knowledgeable advice probably did most of the above damage. What actually happened to the land cruiser we will never entirely know, a healthy debate on this issue persisted for the duration for the trip between myself and Eddie.

Needless to say I did not see that car start ever again. In the immediate aftermath of vehicle failure when a variety of Swahili speaking "experts" were banging away at the engine and attempting numerous compression starts, Justin and I had an "African intervention moment". Justin took the naturalist observer point of view and claimed it was better to let them "do their jobs" and just stand back. I on the other hand was suspicious that irreparable harm was being done that would delay and screw up this expensive safari. The bottle of wine helped sooth our ruffled feathers. We both agreed to intervene only in the name of safety.

Needless to say, about 2+ hours after the car got stuck in the mud we were getting towed in by cable 20km into the park to the ranger station, our dramatic arrival on the Serengeti was a little more subdued and the scheduled game drive was cancelled.

The stress of an impending safari disaster was taking it’s toll on our guide as he was trying to come up with a backup plan. After some frantic phone calls, some arguing, pleading with rangers and other tour guides we hitched a ride with Alan, another local operator, in his range rover with an understanding couple of honeymooners from NY. Now this guy Alan, he was a guide. He could drive, guide, and spot game. I spent an hour with him but I highly recommend him www.alantanzaniasafaris.com. I don’t think Eddie had spotted anything smaller than an elephant so far on the trip. Enroute to the campsite we saw two lions, and a leopard and it's cub feeding on an antelope in a tree which is really hard to spot.

We were starting to get the sneaking suspicion that we had been somewhat shortchanged as far as guide/driver went. Anyways we get to the campsite, Benson came with us and we help him set up camp and he gets going on dinner. It's about 7:30 now, the car broke down at 2pm. So we missed our afternoon game drive, Eddie shows up and states they are sending another car, we will have another car tonight. I am incredulous, but he is adamant. He is almost “slick car salesman confident” that we will be good to go in the morning. We run into another couple that we had previously met in Arusha and they graciously offer us a ride for the am game drive. Eddie dismisses this offer, we are not sure if it is because he would lose face and money by sending us with another company. We are paying about two grand for this five day trip and are starting to get nervous that our time in the Serengeti will be a bust if Eddie doesn’t get with the program.

So now begins the portion of the trip where Eddie loses faith and confidence of the clients. So the car got stuck, no problem, shit happens, we can roll with the punches. I have a sneaking suspicion that Eddie subsequently buggered the car due to ineptitude, we may never know. However, the car is broke and the company is sending another car that may or may not get here tonight. We are cautiously making plans with other safari-goers to ride along in the am, perchance the car does not get here. In fact I have encouraged/directed Eddie to ask around and have a backup plan for us in the am in his hip pocket in case the car doesn't show. Eddie denounces this possibility as "impossible" until I give him a hard look and he downgrades that to "improbable". He says he has his "homework" for tomorrow and will find us a backup ride. The other major issue that comes up is that apparently when the other driver comes, Eddie will no longer be the "guide/driver". I don't know if Nixon rightly relieved him of his duties after screwing up the first car, but Eddie is applying some pathetic pressure on us to request from Nixon that he stay on as "guide/driver" so we can "stay together". It's all about money, we deflect this request numerous times before bed. Oh yes, at about 10pm Eddie informs us the car will not be here tonight, but first thing tomorrow morning. Surprise, Surprise, Surprise.

A little on the camp, we are literally camping in a designated area in the middle of the Serengeti that has about a 40x40m grass area for you to set up your tents.

As we arrived there were grazing Cape buffalo (dangerous) 20-25m away. The campsite has toilets in two locations in two styles long drop (guess what that means), and standard toilet with running water. There is also a shower. There is an enclosed cooking area, where all the cooks run their own little version of iron chef African style and an enclosed eating area if you don't choose to eat at a table set up outside your tent.

Behind the camp is Koopje (granite boulders, favored by lions as a perch and habitat). The conditions are a little more primitive than what you would expect as a US park service public campground but since everyone has a cook and a driver that do the legwork it eases the pain. We did not get a safety briefing from Eddie on arrival, but we were very aware of the Cape buffalo. As I asked directions to the other toilet from Benson in the dark, he pointed me to the toilet that did not have "lions or buffalo". This made me a little more shall I say ‘cautious’ for the duration of the evening.

So I sleep poorly that evening, too hot, Justin is snoring or waking me up to hear the lions or there is some other ruckus. Next morning I'm groggy as I get out of the tent and I see Eddie and 5 other guides picking up trash that is strewn all over the place. We had a pack of frigging Hyenas descend on the camp after dark, they got into the trash and you know the rest. As I am coming back from the bathroom a troop of Baboons are popping out of the bushes and are trying to get into the reassembled trash. The cooks are cooking, and throwing rocks at them and yelling at them…take that iron chef.

 

Day 3

We sit down for coffee with Eddie. Shiver me timbers our new car and driver hasn't arrived yet, but he's at the front gate and will be here by 8am. Breakfast was supposed to be at 7, but is now at 8. 8am No car, Eddie says just a little while longer and thinks this is a good time to make his pitch for us to retain him as driver. It is not well received. 8:30 no land cruiser. Other groups are getting in their cars and heading out on safari waving goodbye to the two Americans without a vehicle. 9am no land cruiser. Parking lot is emptying out. Eddie was supposed to arrange another ride for us with the other guides but has been to busy trying to secure his tenure as driver for the next three days that he has failed to coordinate a backup plan or is keeping us stuck with him out of self interest. 9:30 no land cruiser. The last two land cruisers are leaving the lot, we are sitting quietly in front of our tent stewing. Eddie has retreated to a shady place like a petulant 4th grader. I think normally we would be a little more understanding if we were not paying $400-$500 a day to be in the Serengeti and didn’t think he was exercising some self interest to keep us with him and his company for the morning vs. coordinating an alternate plan to ensure we have a good trip. 10am land rover shows up. New driver is Hosea, Eddie is out, Hosea is in. Let's go.

Aside from a postponement of our 6am game drive to 10am, the rest of the day is a success. Delays included we have been shorted about 6-8 hrs of Serengeti game drive and are committed to making up that time. Aside from spending most of the day on his cell phone Hosea is a good guy and is cautious around mud. The phone transgressions are later forgiven, his wife is 7 mos pregnant. The Serengeti (Swahili for endless plain) is spectacular, it is the wet season so the ground is lush with short and medium grasses, table top and umbrella acacia spot the horizon. Our mission is to find cats. We find a male lion at the Masai kopjees and he walks down to about 5m from the car, we spot a bunch more female lions throughout the day, see another leopard, see hippos, crocs, and end the day watching a herd of impala in some playfully dance at dusk in the northern portion of the park.

At dinner it is apparent that there is caste system among the drivers, Hosea sits and eats with us, Eddie does not. There has been some loss of face, I think Eddie is senior to Hosea but Hosea has been chosen by the clients as the new driver. We had such a great day that we are largely forgiving previous buffoonery. Though we invite Eddie to join us, he has already eaten and only joins us only briefly. Given the Hyena threat from last night and discussion of alleged lions walking through camp, we are a little more cautious in our nocturnal activities. Going out to take a leak has been renamed "death in the tall grass". Needless to say, both of us were up early and holding our bladders in anticipation of daylight. Two nights in a tent have infected me with whatever sickness Justin has, so I am now stuffed up with a runny nose.

Day 4

6am game drive with Hosea starts on schedule we watched the sun come up with mist rising off the Serengeti Plain. I feel like I'm in land of the lost with lots of tissue paper a runny nose and a land cruiser. Back for breakfast at 8am, Benson continues to out-do himself. If you want to gain weight go on a safari, it's good eating and sedentary sitting or standing in a truck for 6-9 hours a day. I think I have put on 5lbs. Back on a game drive till noon, the last thing we see is a Momma Cheetah with 3 cubs.

Absolutely astounding spectacle of nature, but I felt like I was trying out for the paparazzi scene. We arrived at the Masai koopje's with 16 other land rovers surrounding this one little rock with Momma and the cubs, no wonder she ran off into the tall grass with the cubs after 15 min. Very rare according to Hosea. If one out of those three little cubs makes it, it will be lucky. Cheetah cubs have really tough odds of survival. As we are packing up the camp to leave I start snapping some photos and take a pic of some fresh lion prints right next to the kitchen and 5m from our tent.

Glad I held it in last night. At lunch one of the other drivers tells me about the recent “incidents” with lions in our camp. Hmm…

After lunch we pack up and head back to NgoroNgoro, that was the original plan. Unfortunately we have this broken down truck ala Eddie with us. The safari company does not want to pay for a tow truck so Eddie has reasoned that we can tow it back to NgoroNgoro. Brilliant idea, I'm sure we won't mess anything else up by towing it back several hundred kilometers over some very rough roads with a steel cable with no give and no towbars. So the broken truck was at the Serengeti gate, so we pack up and leave. Storm clouds are forming, all of a sudden the sky just opens up and it begins to piss down rain. We delay about an hour at the Serengeti gate dealing with general nonsense. Then Eddie hooks up the tow cable, this is the most comical thing I have ever seen. We have a 20ft length of 3/4" steel cable, with two eye's at each end and one bracket. Eddie hooks up the one end with the bracket to the left front leaf spring of the car being towed. And since he doesn't have a bracket try's to secure the other end to our bumper he uses a tire iron to hold it in place. It is a contraption to be sure. Justin and I look at this set up and realize it is bound for failure and try to make some suggestions. It's raining and Eddie gives us some disgruntled looks, it is clear he has no time for silly ideas from stupid Mzungo's who fired him as driver. Justin concedes in the car that the more time he spends with Eddie, the less he likes him. We try to set out with this contraption and as soon as we put the towing truck into drive, I hear the tire iron and cable clatter to the ground. The two of us and Benson and Hosea erupt in laughter, Eddie is bossing them around and it is clear he may be senior but is annoying them as well. Ok so now we do it our way, and the clients get to hook up the tow cable. All this is going on in the parking lot of the Serengeti game park while numerous other tour groups watch the two clients monkey around and crawl under the car and hook up the cable as the guides stand around watching. I think some photos were snapped. So we are on the road, 90km that took 2 hrs before takes 5 hrs this time. Eddie doesn't understand how to gently brake to keep tension on the tow cable when we slow down, so we are repeatedly being jarred as the cable goes into tension applying a sudden 3000lb load to the bumper. I am sure this is doing some damage to something. Rain is just poring down and we still have to go across a couple of rivers that had we been a couple hours later we probably would not be able to cross. Still transiting through Wildebeest migration, even with the rain and towing it is still spectacular.

As we get to NgoroNgoro, we decide to stop and check out the bumper. The bumper is attached to the back of the truck and is integrated with the two spare tire racks. This 2 inch diameter steel tube is badly misshapen and bent and is starting to crack. I am incredulous if we will make it to the campsite without catastrophic failure. For sure the rear tire rack and bumper assembly needs to be replaced and it will not be cheap, I suspect the leaf springs and front axle may be damaged on the rear car.

We arrive at the camp site it is dark, it is about 8pm. There are frigging zebras grazing among the tents.

A good sign, I guess that means there are no lions in close proximity. The campsite is named Simba B (that is Swahili for Lion) Eddie and Benson are fighting in Swahili in pouring down rain in front of the car with all of our gear on the grass. When we point out where we want the tent put up, Eddie admits that we will be sleeping in his two man tent because they forgot the tent poles to our tent in the Serengeti. We ask him where he will sleep, he announces "we will sleep with our friends who love us". The guides and cooks are all friends and share quite a bit of camaraderie; I assume there is extra room somewhere. I don't know where he slept but he looked like shit the next morning. We get Hosea to drive us to a store/bar to buy a bottle of wine before dinner, there are two Cape buffalo in the parking lot and we have to exit the vehicle very carefully. Before we leave, Eddie asks Justin if he can borrow his headlamp so he and Benson can set up the tents. What kind of safari guide does not bring a headlamp or flashlight on Safari? Justin delivers Eddie a beer upon our return from the bar, at this point the safari has descended into comedy and we are indifferent to the shortcoming of our guides as long as our safety is not endangered by their collective buffoonery. Eddie gives Justin a hug, Justin has to remind Eddie to get his headlamp back.

Dinner is outstanding; we converse with a Spanish trio to our left. They recognized us from the last camp. We relate stories of sounds in the night, I show them the photo of the lion prints at the last campsite, one of the Spanish women loses all the color in her face.

Justin had to take a leak at 3am, it was a very cautionary 15 min ordeal. He freely admits after living and camping in Alaska for the past 10 years on Kodiak Island in the middle of bear country, this was the first time he was scared to exit the tent and take a leak. "Death in the tall grass".....

Day 5

6am we are up, have coffee and get ready to head down into the NgoroNgoro game crater. The Spanish trio is next to us with their guide having coffee. They ask me to produce the photo of the lion print so their guide can verify it. Yup it’s a lion print, I recant the two lion incident stories and she loses all the color in her face again and yells at the guide for not telling her the stories. Everyone laughs except her. The NgoroNgoro crater is marketed as the 8th natural wonder of the earth. It is a spectacular 20km diameter caldera that is basically a captive natural game wonderland with a lake in the middle.

Every animal exists down here, we knocked Black Rhino off the list and even saw a Serval. So we nailed the Big 5 on safari, check. Saw lots of lone hyenas. Creepy animals, I would not want to run into a pack of those guys while taking a leak at 3am. Tons of pachyderms’ as well. The written word cannot describe seeing most of this wildlife. If you have the time and the money, I implore you to go while it is all still here. I can recommend a great car and driver. View was spectacular.

We are exhausted but exhilarated. We have spent about 8 hrs a day each of the past 5 days banging around on rough roads throughout these game parks. We are both overfed and under rested and both have colds and intestinal issues. It is time to head home.

Back to the campsite, Eddie is all smiles as he shows me a belt from the engine and asks what it is. I reply it's a timing belt, with a ton of the teeth stripped off. He struts about feeling vindicated with proof of actual mechanical failure. Not exactly a smoking gun, not replacing belts for scheduled maintenance still falls into the buffoonery category in my book. He told me he was going to the store to get a new belt, he told Justin he was going to the airstrip because parts were being airdropped in. Who knows the truth. I have sympathy for Nixon if Eddie is to be the mechanic. We pack up after an outstanding lunch. I am ready to take Benson with us for the rest of the trip in Africa. The guy is a class act and all smiles, his English is very rough but so is my Swahili. We load up the truck and bit adieu to Eddie and the broken truck at the Simba B campsite in NgoroNgoro. I hope he makes it, if it wasn't for him this trip wouldn't be a very good story. As we drive out of the park we stop at a vista to take some photos and the rangers tell us not to get out of the truck, there are Lions around. He doesn't say where, as we snap a couple of photos I look to my right and see two Lioness's and two cubs 2m to the right of the road just chilling out in the tall grass. Seeing clubs is very cool. Hosea assures us there are more around including the male, I wouldn't want to be the ranger standing there smoking a cigarette on the side of the road, they are very protective around the cubs. About half a km down the road from the lions there are a couple of local guys thrashing around in the bushes "looking for medicine" as Hosea puts it. I doubt they are aware of a pride of lions 500m down the road. Good luck.

Great end to our 5 day safari. We head back to Arusha, stinking after 4 days without showers and ready to spend the next day not banging around in a truck for 8 hours. Taking in the African scene on the way back, we stop at a Masai market where we watch a 7 year old get custom fitted for sandals made out of tires. Hosea warns us not to leave a car unattended in Masai country or you will return to find it sans tires. Market is amazing, you want shoes they are second hand ones from the west and they are in a pile and there is no such thing as a pair. Same goes for clothes all second hand stuff from the states.

We finally get back to the hotel and say out goodbyes and tip out Hosea and Benson. The shower is great. Justin meets with Nixon who is very apologetic for all the hassle, at this point we are home and had a great trip. If it wasn't for Eddie we would not have half the story. Nixon is angling for our business for a Kili trip. I can only imagine climbing Kili with my flashlightless, tent pole forgetting Chuck Norris fan as a guide. I'm sure it would make a good story but I think I'll pass.